My ex-friend said that how your life turns out has a lot to do with the choices you make.
I see what they are saying I really do. The advice is somehow positivistic, a bit American.
What if for example your close relative kills themselves shattering the foundations of your own life?
Or you take a decision which people lead you to believe is smart and ethical but which actually spectacularly backfires in ways you can’t have foreseen.
I am going through pulses of paranoia. Some nights are unbearable but most days are now ok. Yet I’m still reeling from a lost decade of dominos that fell suddenly and without expectation.
Maybe it’s previous life stuff but that makes my mind freak out even more.
I feel like things I touch go wrong. I’m in the bridge of the starship but I’ve become afraid to pull the levers because I keep flying into harmful nebulae.
Sometimes things go wrong. Sometimes the stock market goes against you, the tide goes against you and it’s not your fault it’s not because of your personal choice.