How are you?
I am kind of ok.
I’m thinking about being bipolar. Bipolar as quite a specific thing.
There is this writer called Kay Redfield Jamison who wrote “Touched by Fire” and “An Unquiet Mind”. I’ve read bits of her stuff before. What I like about her is this sense of bipolar or manic depression as quite a specific illness. Like it has very strong characteristics.
I feel kind of a sense of relief in accepting I am manic-depressive. It’s like it’s acknowledging the tortured landscape of my inner mind. Like it explains why once every ten years I fall to pieces.
I feel like just accepting the medical model. Accepting the treatment. I’m sick of trying to lobby for something different. I’m sick and I need care. I can’t create a new system on my own.
I feel like I really am crazy. I defy conventions. I feel I am mad. It hurts to be crazy sometimes. Sometimes my life falls apart. Sometimes I can’t be fixed. I get broken. I’m my own mad self. I find my own path but sometimes it is hard.
I admire what you are doing with LVRMH but at the moment I can’t do similar in Utopia. At the moment I just need to be the patient.
What do you think of my email?